I started this post at the beginning of this journey, but it is still very true today. I want to cover my head with my blanket and never venture out of my house. I think if I can just avoid the world, I will avoid stress and never have to deal with reality.
When school was still in session, it was easier to get out of bed. I had a job to do and could remain focused on being the learning coach and helping my kiddos finish out the year strong. I had a valid excuse to tell people "no" or that I was too busy or just not answer my phone. Well, school is over and surgery is not happening yet, so I suddenly have time.
Time for what? I haven't figure that out. I don't want it to be time for arranging home modifications, insurance adjusters, etc. Part of me wants to have time to go places and enjoy being outside of my house while I still can. I've always been more of an introvert and preferred reading and staying home to being out there partying and interacting with others. But, I also like having the choice to do that, not having it forced upon me. And, I see the day coming when I do not have that choice. Aren't I supposed to want to be out there enjoying the fresh air and the company of others? Well, guess what? I don't really want to. I'd rather be curled up with a book or hiding under my covers. I don't want to be a responsible adult and take care of adult responsibilities. I don't want to plan ahead and try to make sure everything is taken care of in the foreseeable future. I don't want to.
But, I do it anyway. Why? Because I'd like to at least pretend that I'm a responsible adult. I'd like to keep things as normal as possible around here as long as I can. But, part of me would like to just crawl in bed and pull the covers over my head and let someone else be the responsible adult for awhile.