Thursday, June 11, 2015

The "Lasts" Have Begun

Today I had my first of many "lasts" that I know are coming.  I went to my class at the YMCA for the last time before surgery.  I've probably already had tons of "lasts" and just not been aware that they were the last.  Now, I know it's not the last forever, but it is the last before surgery.  The worst thing about it all is the undetermined amount of time before I can begin having these experiences again.

 When I talk about "lasts" I am aware this is not finality.  But, at this moment, it feels like it.  Not being able to see the end in sight, not knowing how long this will last, is the worst.  I could be having hiatus from events that are no longer than an extended vacation, a couple of weeks or so.  I could be looking at 4-6-8 weeks.  Or, I could be looking at months, or years, or even permanent changes could be coming.  I think not knowing is the worst.  I don't really know how to prepare and no one can tell me how to prepare because no one knows the answers at this point.

Those of you who know me well know that I don't do well with changes.  I do better with changes if I have as many facts as possible ahead of time.  My favorite part of big vacations is the planning phase.  I really don't do well with changes if I can't see the end in sight and don't know what changes are coming.  And, that is where we are.  It feels like opening a door and stepping into darkness leaving everyone and everything I know behind.  I've been told I will come back to that room of familiar people, places, and things.  But, no one knows how long it will take.  No one can tell me for sure what's in the darkness. No one can tell me if the floor is solid or if I am about to go for a free fall.  No one can tell me if I am about to walk through a door and circle right back around to my familiar life or if I am going to have multiple obstacles and challenges to claw, scrape, and climb my way through.  No one knows what is coming.  Can I just pull the covers over my head and not go through that door?

So, the "lasts" have begun.  Now, how to cram everything important into my last week?  What are some things I should be sure not to miss; to definitely have an intentional "last" experience?

Thankful thoughts for today:
Back to double digits

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  1. I hate change too. I hate the not knowing. We are praying you through this!!! As far as lasts...talking a walk with your kids through a beautiful park. Better yet, go to Wichita to the zoo! Call Anne...they go all the time! Go out to eat at your favorite Mexican food place. Go shopping for new jammies and/or slippers. Go to the library and make a lists of books to read. Have a casting done of your the pregnant people do, so you can remember your body at this time. Take professional family photos. Go to the pool. Okay....that is what I have right now! :)

    1. Some of these I have already done. Just went to my favorite Mexican restaurant. Since swimming is out of the picture right now for my son I think it should be for me too. :) So thankful my library is online so I can put books on hold and send someone to get them even when I can't get there myself.

  2. Hey, when is the surgery scheduled?


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