Saturday, July 4, 2015

I Looked in the Mirror

I looked in the mirror and what did I see.  I saw a warrior staring back at me.  I saw a different image than I am used to seeing.  The only real difference was the incision across my chest.  I have a long lateral incision that runs from arm pit to arm pit.  We measured it and it is approximately 27 inches long.  My first response was that I had been fileted.  The hunters/fishermen in my life tell me the incision is the wrong direction for that.  It should be vertical.  :)  I know I have not been gutted because my body still functions like all my innards are intact.  :)  But, I at least feel fileted, even if they went the wrong direction.

I realized what I now have is a visible reminder of the battle I am fighting .  Every time I catch a glimpse of my incision or at this moment feel it healing, I am reminded to fight.  My own body has been attacked, but I am fighting back.  I am willing to do whatever necessary to rid myself of this invader.  Surgery was the first step, but it will not be the last.

Will I scar?  Probably.  I look at my incision and can't imagine how I wouldn't scar.  But, that scar is a visible reminder of the battle I am fighting.  I hope to one day be able to look at it and see it as a visible reminder of my victory.

In the Selection series by Kiera Cass, America Singer talks about scars and says

“The best people all have some kind of scar.”  Some are visible, some are not.  But, everyone who fights ends up with some form of scar.

“On the girl's brown legs there were many small white scars. I was thinking, Do those scars cover the whole of you, like the stars and the moons on your dress? I thought that would be pretty too, and I ask you right here please to agree with me that a scar is never ugly. That is what the scar makers want us to think. But you and I, we must make an agreement to defy them. We must see all scars as beauty. Okay? This will be our secret. Because take it from me, a scar does not form on the dying. A scar means, I survived.” 
― Chris CleaveLittle Bee

“It has been said, 'time heals all wounds.' I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone.” 
― Rose Kennedy

Thankful thoughts for today:

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